


Cuff

by jeck



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Adam Lambert - Fandom, American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-08
Updated: 2010-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-06 00:13:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeck/pseuds/jeck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A change is gonna come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cuff

**Author's Note:**

> future fic

The leather bit into his skin. Kris was so used to feeling that now that, as he took off the cuff, it hardly even registered that there were marks left there; a pale line where the strip of leather was on his wrist. The skin there was pale and the tan lines obvious. No one had ever seen him without it. He only took it off when he showered and already that was enough because he felt completely naked without it.

**2014**

Five years. It had been five years since he'd won American Idol that found himself suddenly thrown into a frenzy that Kris's head spun so hard he didn't know which way was up -- or down for that matter. It was a whirlwind of press junkets, the Idol tour, writing and recording his debut album, releasing it and then touring again. Everything was great and all that. Just -- _amazing_.

And then things kinda went downhill from there.

He sat in his bedroom, on the edge of the bed, finger toying with the cuff on his wrist. It was black, leather, studded. Softer now than when he first received it. It was something completely not Kris' style. He kind of snorted a small laugh as he looked down on his wrist and touched the silver metal spikes, cool on his fingertips.

_Adam_.

He never really stopped thinking about Adam. It was hard not to, not when he was plastered all over magazines, the billboard charts, MTV, late night talk shows and even the daytime ones, too. Most of all, Adam had survived every storm thrown his way. Kris was proud of him. Very proud.

He was sad, too. They used to call each other frequently, exchanged text messages even more times than that. Saw and hung out with each other after Kris moved to LA. And then things kind of started to dwindle down to just the occasional text, an email here and there, a tweet once and again which was still very rare.

Kris blew out a breath and laid back, feet still hanging on the side, looking at the ceiling with a hand resting over his belly, the other around his cuffed wrist. _Adam Lambert_. He found he thought about him a lot more lately after everything that had happened to him and his flop of a second album wasn't even the worst of it.

Katy left three months ago. Moved back to Arkansas. But then when Kris thought about it, she'd left him long before that. Things got busy and as much as they were best friends and she was the coolest chick he knew, in the end, they just sort of grew apart. They drifted in different directions. She supported him, no doubt about that. Throughout Idol, throughout his musical career, stuck with him but found out this life, the reality of it, wasn't what she expected. Wasn't what she bargained for. But Kris couldn't give this up just to save their marriage even if he took a hiatus between first and second album just so that they could try to salvage whatever was left of what they once had.

_People grow apart_, his mother told him. _It happens to the best of us_, she had said when he called her days after Katy had already left. And she was right. She was always right.

Kris stared at the plain beige walls of the ceiling and thinks that maybe he should repaint the bedroom. A nice dark color to go with his dark mood. Maybe a forest green or a burgundy. Hell, maybe he should go with red just to shock himself each time he walked in here. Change was necessary. Big change.

He reached for his cell phone then, texting Adam with only two letters.

> HI

  
The phone was thrown beside him on the bed and then he slid his finger over the cuff again, thinking about Adam. He hadn't taken it off since he got it. He wondered briefly if Adam ever kept his.

 

**September 2009**

The end of the Idol tour was bittersweet. It meant that they could all go about and do things they've always wanted to do, why they all joined Idol in the first place. But it also meant that this may be the last time they'd all see each other as one big happy family. That was what they considered themselves since those many days being underfoot with one another in the Idol mansion. A family.

Being the winner, Kris was the last one to speak. "I'm gonna miss you all." He started, looking up at the heavens and trying not to get too emotional. He got that from his dad but at least he didn't as easily fall apart like he did. Got that one from his mom. He went on to point each and every one out. Micheal who was such a teddy bear, solid in his beliefs and strong in his convictions. Kris liked him and wished him luck. He talked about missing Matt and all the crack-up funny things that he always did. Miss his mad skills at the piano and teaching Kris a thing or two or twenty about how better to play. Scott who's dry sense of humor and love for cake knows no bounds. He acknowledged Todd, too for being one of the group. Lil who was like a mother to all of them, so caring, so generous and strict, too, because they can cause quite the ruckus when all together, especially the boys. Megan who was quirky and sweet and beautiful. Danny who always goofed around with them, too. Anoop and his snarkyness which Kris absolutely loved even recalling good ol' wolfgang and the short but fun times they had with him. They were the ones with the closest sense of humor around here only Kris wasn't as straightforward with his as Anoop was with his words. He called it like it is _all the time_. Kris appreciated that. Ally. Allison was the baby sister he never had. He loved her. Adored her. Was often annoyed by her and her yelling out, "that was the shitzzz hooomie!" Each time he did something completely not Kris -- like the time he wore platforms and wings for that photo shoot.

And then there was Adam. This was when Kris practically teared up. Adam was his best friend who knew him inside and out and with whom he had nothing more to hide. From how he brushed his teeth to how he'd smell a shirt to see if it was wearable ("Ew! Kris! Wear a clean shirt for fuck's sake!") to his dreams after Idol and his hopes for his new album. All he said once he faced Adam was, "I think I'll miss you most, man." Grinning wide and pointing to him trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

The party went on all night til the wee hours of the morning and he was surprised to find himself being yanked out from the crowd and dragged to an empty room. Adam was tugging his arm, looking back over his shoulder and smiling at him. "I have something for you." A small present neatly wrapped was handed to him, Adam, looking a little bit apprehensive which wasn't really the first time Kris had seen him like this but it was the first time he ever saw it geared toward him.

"The hell is this?" Kris asked, brows furrowed. "You didn't have to give me a present." Even if Katy insisted that Kris get one for everyone and he handed out the little gift baggies, color coded so he knew who got what. Katy was organized that way including buying the present herself. She was amongst the crowd, mingling but looking at Kris and expecting to whisk him away very soon. But now he was here in an empty room with Adam.

He put the box by his ear and shook it, smiling with a grin that seemed to be only for Adam. Not that he'd noticed that he did, of course. "I'm gonna open it now." He said and tore at the wrapping, Adam watching him.

"It's just a little something. I know it's not your thing but..." Adam trailed off and looked at everything else but Kris for a moment until he was pulling the top off the box. Inside was a leather cuff, black with silver studs all around it, pointy and it looked really sick. "This is awesome." Kris said, taking it out of the foam thing under it, holding it out and tilting his head to look at it.

Adam slowly took the cuff from him, long pale fingers reaching for Kris's wrist. His hands were cold and it seeped into his warm skin. "I figure you're a rockstar now, Kristopher Allen," Adam started, his voice low, his smile warm. "You should look the part." Adam laughed and after clasping on the cuff he trailed the edge of it with his finger. "...it's just a little something to remind you of me," he added, sounding like the words were said as an afterthought, a hint of hesitation evident.

Why Adam would hesitate, Kris wouldn't know. Adam was always straightforward, without filter, frank but always eloquent. But Kris didn't pay that too much mind. He lifted his arm and turned his wrist and admired the way the metal shone when hit with the light. "It's awesome, Adam," Kris said and then he noticed the leather and bead bracelet he had on that was resting right beside the new stiff leather cuff. He quickly pulled it off.

"Here." He pulled Adam by the wrist and they were standing a lot closer now. "I'll give you this. I've had it forever but..." It was his turn to hesitate and instead he just put the strip of thin leather on Adam's wrist. "So you won't forget either."

This act surprised Kris, too, to be honest. It was impulse but there it was.

"Thanks." Adam stared into Kris's eyes and then he leaned in slowly, his lips touching the soft skin of Kris's cheek right at the corner of his lips. The kiss lingered and he could smell Adam's cologne. God. He smelled good and it wafted all around him that Kris found himself closing his eyes and breathing slowly in and then out. In and then out. In and then ... Adam pulled back. "Come on," he said, "before they send a search party for us."

Adam took Kris by the wrist, his fingers around the cuff and it dug more into his skin. He could feel the weight of it, only too aware of the warming metal and leather and the coolness of Adam's hand. His cheek was tingling from the kiss and he swore, it was like he could still feel Adam's lips on him.

 

**2014**

It was like he could see the images of that memory playing on the pale beige ceiling above him. The sound of silence deafening, making his head hurt and his chest tight, suffocating that he couldn't breathe. Kris sighed deeply and it echoed around the room. He wondered, for the umpteenth time, how he got here. The second album flopped. It didn't do as well as it should have, as was expected of him. And until now he'd been struggling to finish his third. The songs wouldn't come. They were stuck in some vortex he thought was present in his head. There was no inspiration.

He always said that it was easier to write about hurt and pain and heartache. But now that he was 98% in nothing but loneliness he couldn't write shit.

Raising his arm, he reached for the ceiling, of course not able to touch it from where he was laying on his back on the bed. But he watched his hand hover over his head, the cuff so familiar now was dark against his tanned skin.

Kris didn't know when he fell asleep but he was still in his clothes now rumpled, his knees tucked near his chest, his hand wrapped around his wrist where the cuff was. Even in sleep he touched it. As he blinked his eyes to chase the bleariness away, he wondered exactly how much he touched it in a day. He knew it was often. Maybe he should count it? Then again, maybe he shouldn't.

His phone beeped. Sometime between last night and this morning he received a text message and he slid the bar on his iPhone to see who it was from. He missed it, darn it!

_Adam_

> HEY U DOIN ANYTHING 2NITE

  
The text was sent past midnight. Might be too late to respond to that now. Kris did reply though. He always did when it was Adam.

> 2NITE? NOTHING Y?

  
He hit send and tossed the phone beside him, curling into a ball and feeling like the room was too big, too empty like being in Moby Dick's belly. Swallowed by his own melancholy.

The phone beeped again and Kris's eyes blew wide. "The hell?!" Adam awake at this hour? Nah. Impossible. But as he looked at the message it read:

> DOIN ANYHTING NOW? :)

  
Kris couldn't help grinning at the misspelling and the smiley face at the end of that question, watching his wrist with the cuff as he typed his reply.

> NOPE

  


> GOOD!! M COMING OVR. ;) 

He laughed at the wink and then he was shaking his head. They've not seen each other in a long time with Adam so busy touring and being all over the world and this was a rare occasion. Kris received a text that he was back a few days ago and he jokingly texted that he'd need an appointment himself just to see Adam again. Good to know now that he didn't.

Kris groaned as he got up, taking the cuff off and stripping off his clothes. He jumped in the shower, the water as warm as he could get it, taking all of five minutes to finish. He still hated showers. Thought it was a complete waste of time only, well, now he had a lot of time, right?

He dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, his hair still dripping a bit, his shirt now damp at the shoulders. He took the cuff from the dresser right as the doorbell rang. Jogging toward the living room, he shoved the cuff in his pocket and then a smile bloomed on his face when he opened the door.

"Hey!" Adam had bags in his hands but even then he wrapped both of them around Kris and gave him a hug that only Adam could give. "It's good to see you." He pulled back and showed Kris his laden hands. "I brought breakfast and honey, you look like you could use it." He walked in and headed straight for the kitchen.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Adam. I haven't seen you in months." He didn't mean to sound sarcastic. Really. Kris watched Adam pull containers out of the bags.

Adam waved what he said away with a manicured hand. "You keep saying we don't see each other enough. I'm here now. Besides, your mom called me and asked me if I've seen you lately. She said you don't look so good." Adam lifted a brow while casting a sidelong glance at Kris.

"My mom?" Kris rolled his eyes. "I told you. Once she's got her hands on you, you're part of the family." He recalled a warning he'd said a long, long time ago during the Idol competition. "What are you really doing here?" Kris ran a hand through his damp hair while blowing out a breath.

"Is it bad to see a friend?" Adam approached Kris and then his eyes flicked to his wrist, catching it, holding Kris's hand and then rubbing his thumb over the pale line on his skin. His voice, when next his spoke, was low and soft. "Even when you're not wearing it -- you're wearing it." He met Kris's eyes then Adam was smiling this odd smile that Kris had never before seen on his face. That was saying a lot since he had lived with Adam in the same room that he knew all his expressions by heart already.

But then again five years of rarely seeing each other could have changed that.

"I know you never take it off," Adam continued, stepping even closer. "Do you think of me when every time you touch the cuff?"

Kris mouth just gaped and then he shut it quickly, his teeth clicking. "I don't touch it that much." He looked away, skin flushing at the scrutiny in Adam's gaze.

"Yes, Kristopher, you do." He smiled sweetly. "I see it in every appearance you have. Your performances. Your concerts." Adam kept rubbing his thumb over and over that line that Kris could feel the undercurrent of electricity shooting up his arm. "So, do you?" Adam leaned even closer, lashes fanning as his eyes fluttered then shut. "...think of me?" He kissed his cheek again, much like the same way Adam did when he first gave Kris the cuff.

It tingled again - his skin - and then Kris shivered visibly when he felt Adam's breath brush his cheek. He nodded his head slowly, his own eyes falling shut. "I do. Each time."

"I know you do." Adam smiled, stooped down so that he could be eye-level with Kris.

"It was like having you there with me," Kris spilled his inner most secret about the cuff. People had asked him about it. Even Katy didn't understand why he liked it so much when it was obviously not something Kris would wear. "Like ... on Idol and after - on the tour - you'd listen to my song and tell me if it's good or not good. You'd tell me what to change up and what to do to hold the note." Now that he started, Kris couldn't stop. "After the finale, you'd step in and speak for us when I couldn't find the words. At night we'd talk music and everything else. You always had my back and then after the tour, it was gone..."

Kris frowned, his brows drawn, his eyes sad when they met Adam's. He shoved his hand in his pocket very aware of the one that Adam was still holding. He produced the cuff and held it up. "I know I touch it a lot. I'd always think to myself ... what would Adam do? What would Adam say? I write a song and I'd touch it and think of what you'd think of it. I always thought about you." And even as he said that the realization struck like lightning. "It was always you..."

"You could have just called, you know?" Adam smirked, taking the cuff out of Kris's fingers. "But I'm here now ... you won't need this anymore."

"I-I don't?" Kris couldn't help smiling back at Adam, the curve to his lips contagious. It was the first time in a long time that he really, truly, earnestly smiled.

Adam chuckled that low throaty laugh that he had, his head falling back a little and then he was leaning in again with warm, moist breath blowing against Kris's lips. He parted them in anticipation and Kris stopped thinking of why and began thinking of _now_ and _please_.

Then Adam kissed him.

Kris grabbed on to Adam's wrist, feeling the thin leather and the bead of the bracelet he gave him. He struggled to stay upright as Adam moved his lips to deepen the kiss and then Adam held on to his other hand, the cuff getting caught in Kris's fingers. He took it and then when he felt their tongues tangle, tasting Adam, Kris dropped the strip of leather, the cuff hitting the floor with a dull ping of the metal spikes on the tile. He whimpered then felt his knees buckle, holding tighter as he kissed Adam back, promises exchanged as they shared warm breaths.

He knew then that Adam was right. Kris didn't need the cuff anymore.  



End file.
